Friday, July 20, 2012

Celebrating Friday with a Crossfit Menage a Trois

it's not every day that you get to walk into a gym, pick out the two girls of your choice, and have a sweaty menage a trois right there

so today was kinda special

i went with diane & elizabeth (i was going to go with diane & fran, but the pullups with fran, coupled with my pullup regimen at home, wouldve been too much)

diane is a big girl, with a 225# deadlift involved, but hey, strong is the new sexy, right? 

elizabeth aint skinny, either - her 135# cleans may not seem like much - but, when you have to lift that shit 45 times, it gets plenty big.

did diane's 21-15-9 combination of 225# deadlift + handstandpushups, for a total of 45 of each, in 6:44

10 minute rest, then

did elizabeth's 21-15-9 combination of 135# cleans + dips, for a total of 45 each, in 8:14

not too bad

yesterday was snatch day

(yes, i'm giggling that we had a day of snatch followed by menage a trois day, because i am just that fucking juvenile)

snatch day was: 12 min AMRAP - 50 double-unders / 7 hang power snatch / 7 snatch balance

i got 4 full sets - emily had me scale the weight to 55# because she wanted me to concentrate on my form - so i did - my last set was my best, as usual, because i was finally loose and warmed up, and basically sped thru them - it always goes that way - had i been as loose and warm on the first set as i was on the last, i couldve done the rx weight, no prob - fucking frigid connective tissue holding me back

i counted attempts on double-unders, as they are the bane of my existence - i actually got several - at a few points hitting 3 in a row - i now hit myself in the back of the head more often than anywhere else when doubling over, on my shoes second most, and very rarely on my shins - i used to beat my shins up  - have no clule what this means, it's just an observation

it grates on my fucking nerves that i have trouble jumping rope, a skill that most 8 year old girls have mastered

it's starting to come together though 
i think i've figured out the secret
it's not letting it get in your head
keep your hands low, get a rhytmn going
jump, flip the wrists twice, land, do it again
keep calm, and double under

today made 3 weeks of me doing at 5 days a week of xfit
it's gotten easier, but not easy
i no longer dread it

i've actually put on weight, but my waist has decreased in size

i think next week i'm going to try two-a-days
doing strength + metcon in the morning
then, skipping the strength in the afternoon, to work on goat shit, or run, and doing the metcon again
any advice from coaches on this?

8 deviled eggs
glucosamine, fish oil, jarosil, v8 coctail
salmon caesar sald, add tomatoes, 86 croutons
pork roast w/ onion, parsnips & mushrooms

Friday, July 13, 2012

Pulling for Team Valkyrie in The Games


so, the Games have started

as i have only been doing crossfit for 7 months, i'm not completely familiar with the top badasses
but, i have to cheer for somebody

i will actually be cheering for everybody
because it's such a fucking awesome thing

but, i need SPECIFIC people to cheer for


I'm pulling for Team Valkyrie! 

first up, annie thorisdottir

because she's a badass
a hot, redhead, icelandic badass (and not that dog-belly skin like many redheads here have, but viking fucking warrior redhead) who won last year's games
such a badass that her surname actually translates to "Thor's daughter"


yup - Thor's daughter
see, in Iceland, her home, folks are named differently
the name of the father (or, on rare occasion, the mother) serves as the surname with a "sson" (for a son) or a "sdottir" (for a daughter) tacked onto it
example: Kveldulf Bjalfason (his first name "kveld + ulf" means "evening wolf") had a son named Skallagrim (Skalla + grim means bald & grumpy). Skallagrim's last name was Kveldulfsson.
Skallagrim Kveldulfsson had a son named Egil. His surname was Skallagrimsson.

let's say that Homer Simpson were Icelandic
Bart would be Bart Homersson
and Lisa and Maggie would be Lisa Homersdottir and Maggie Homersdottir

you address icelanders by their first names, or their full names, not Mr. Thorsson or Miss Thorsdottir
if you were lucky enough to be in a room with 2 Annies from Iceland, and wanted to distinguish between the 2, you would drop the "dottir" from their names
and call them Annie Thors and Annie (insert her father's first name +s here)

this means her dad's name was Thor, and that's fucking awesome

gonna pull for the other viking chicks, too

even though being david's kid isn't nearly as cool as being thor's kid
gotta show some love for Katrin Tanja Davidsdottir

 next up, Thuridur Helgadottir took her mom's name over her dad's (Icelandic women usually do this when they want to make a social statement, or to break ties with their fathers), but she still fits the naming scheme, and is still a badass

Team Fucking Valkyrie, dems muh bitches!

Icelanders rock! Do you know how big Iceland is? Bigger than Indiana, but smaller than Kentucky, and they put 3 hot viking babes in the Games?!!? Badassery!

Look how Iceland handled its economic trouble, thieving bankers and corrupt politicians. Badassery!

Iceland views more porn, despite its tiny size, than any other nation in the world, with the women watching as much as the men. Viking chicks digging porn? Badassery!

They just told the banks that they couldnt freeze people's accounts for supporting wikileaks. Badassery!

Sunrise in Iceland this morning: 3:39AM. Sunset in Iceland tonight: 11:28PM. Badassery!

Their ancestors left Norway on the way to Greenland. Iceland was named Iceland, and Greenland named Greenland, in order to trick people into immigrating to frozen fucking Greenland, and by-passing pleasantly inhabitable Iceland. Didn't work on Icelanders, they're not stupid. Greenlanders, on the other hand...

Bj is a very popular letter combination in the icelandic language, like Qu to us. Badassery!

They have an awesome statue of Leif Erikson, and the place is overrun with bearded bikers. Badassery!

Read some Icelandic Sagas (they precede the Germanic Epic). What do these folks value? Big, strong, people who drink lots, eat lots, and who win epic fights. Badassery!

With the exception of the Scots (and they're thistle), they terrorized Europe for generations!

Go Team Valkyrie!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Getting my journaling, and the everything else, back in order

i meant to do this yesterday, the monday after my b-day
but, better late than never

i'm going to try to do this fucking daily, i swear, at least through the 1st of november

journaling only works when it's done regularly, preferably daily, or so i am told

today, we didnt make the morning WOD, so i hit the lunch WOD

started w/ a 400m run
then bear crawl
rig stretch
rig stretch
crab walk
crabwalk again
asian squat
leg swings

then, strength:
based on 90% of 340(my 1RM), or 306# (rounded to 305) for my 3 rep max
back squat: 1X3 @ 275, 1X3 @ 290, 1X1 @ 305, 2X1 @ 325
i failed on my 2nd lift at 325, got the first one

then, insane metcon:
4x [(2minute AMRAP 20 jumping lunges + 10 HR pushups + 10 pullups) + (2 minute AMRAP max effort front squats (started at 135#, dropped to 95#))]

yeah, you read that right
for those of you bad at math, that's
(a 2minute AMRAP + another 2minute AMRAP) x 4

the metcon killed me
front squats absolutely sucked for me today
i don't know why
my score was total reps of 189, or "SUCKS"

i fucking ROCKED overhead squats last week, at 95#
but, today, i couldnt manage 135# on front squats, had to back off to 95# (my ohs weight last week) and still managed to suck

my legs are still limp & sore, as are my shoulders and ankles

it could be because i didnt waste my expensive ass glucosamine, or fish oil, during last week's binge

i'll go back on the regimen tomorrow

changing out of my gym clothes, i noticed i smelled way worse than usual

i'm going to attribute that to the gin, and the quinine in the tonic, from last night

because i don't have a fucking clue what else it would be

but, while running the 400m today, i remembered that, in january, the 400m run would almost kill me,

really, i would think "this sucks - how am i supposed to work out after running a 400m marathon?!!?"

now it's a breeze - it's like nothing - i've considered stepping mine up to 800m, and doing an extra 800m post-WOD

i'm also very happy with my weight-loss and change in body composition since beginning XFB in january

at this rate, by the time i get down to 185#, i will have put on about 15# more muscle
and look something like this
dat's right, bitches

today, so far, i have eaten:
boiled egg
couple pieces of deli turkey
kona coffee
peanut butter
progenix recovery
couple more pieces deli turkey
1.5 gallons water (mufuckin thirsty today)

did the morning WOD yesterday (monday)
it was a nice start to the day

going to try to make that our regular WOD so we can get our bike riding done in the afternoon
it's hard to go for a long relaxing bike ride after just having your ass kicked at xfb

started with a 1/4 mile agility run:
butt kickers
high knees
super mario for height
super mario for length

then, a medicine ball complex w/ a 20# ball:
10 wallballs
10 woodchoppers
10 hand to feet passes
10 slam balls

then, strength:
15 minutes to establish a 1RM power clean/push jerk
mine was 185# (a 30# pr!)

then, the metcon:
4 x (7 powercleans 2 155# + 14 burpees + run 200m + 1 minute rest)
i think my time was 15:38 or 16:38
felt like i had kicked its ass
felt good all day

yesterday i ate:
progenix recovery
egg salad
couple pieces of deli turkey
nathan's gluten free hot dog
an entire can of macadamia nuts
babyback ribs + pulled pork + loaded potato + bombay sapphire & tonic
peanut butter
and about a gallon of water

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Losing My Crossfit-Competition Cherry and Turning 42 (or Death in the Afternoon)

i considered not even writing this post, just thinking it out
but, as blogging is how i journal for fitness
and that's how i hold myself accountable
and put it out there for others to hold me accountable
here goes:


it's the only number retired by all mlb teams
it was jackie robinson's number
mo was the last mlb player to wear it (before it was retired)
and he's still wearing it, and is still the best closer in the game

all person's more than a mile high must leave the court - that's rule 42 in wonderland

according to douglas adams, it's the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything

it's also how old i will be in just a couple of days

oddly enough, most days i dont feel a bit different than i felt at 17, 22 or 27
i feel better now than i ever felt during my 30s

saturday, tiff and i competed in the takes-two-to-tango crossfit competition, as a team
it was my first crossfit competition, tiff's 2nd
it was my first athletic competition since restaurant-league midnight softball in the late 90s

i've heard that the high temperature was 109, and that the blacktop temp was around 145
i believe both

they gave all competitors a grab bag with t-shirt, bath salts and other goodies


the first event was a scaled "angie"
we came prepared for:
100 pull-ups
100 hand release push ups
100 sit-ups
100 bodyweight squats
(or, that's what we expected - "prepared for" could be an overstatement)

they changed the WOD
the sit-ups became knees-to-elbow
and the bodyweight squats became overhead kettlebell squats (this wouldnt affect us)

we completed:
100 pull-ups (using bands)
100 hand release pushups
44 knees to elbows in 12 minutes

we finished 5th (out of 5 teams) in that WOD

we were prepared for that. 

we were told that, if we used bands, we would automatically place behind the teams that didnt use bands (as a penalty for using bands) no matter how many reps we completed

i don't understand how the team that won that WOD (and eventually won the entire event in the mixed scaled division by winning every event in the division) did so, since their male half used bands for his pullups


but, wtf, it's not like that scoring irregularity kept us from winning, or even from placing higher

besides, they were a kick-ass team, in their early 20s

they did shit RXed in a scaled division  (other than him using a band for pullups, and them both doing scaled weight on the hspu/stones WOD, and the Gorilla WOD) 

they cranked out HSPUs like monsters when the rest of us were wasting time doing handstand holds, and this let them almost double what the rest of the field was cranking out - i was fucking impressed - they'll be rx next time

 and you could tell they were absolutely thrilled to be competing - especially her - the folks at talon are lucky she didn't get too close to their windows, because she was in glasscutter mode the whole time (i mean, how could anyone NOT notice?)
these aren't nearly as hard as tiff's eyes right before she snatched 75#

back to us:

it was exhilarating

i gave out on the pullups after about 40, so tiff had to crank out the rest
on the pushups, tiff went into beastmode, we were cranking out 10/10, back & forth
 til she heard me cough at 80, and she cranked out the last 20, since she knew ive been battling allergies all week

we were swapping out knees-to-elbow 10/10 when time ran out
12 tough fucking minutes

they initially showed us finishing 3rd in this WOD
i dont know what happened
they didnt change it until after the 3rd WOD
doesnt matter, much

we gave it our all, and i KNOW, without a doubt, that after the competition, we spent the rest of the weekend having better sex than Team Glasscutter can even imagine, and isnt that part of what functional fitness is all about? it's not just about being able to go the bathroom by yourself at 90, but about being about to have better sex at 40 than folks in their 20s - (most folks in their 20s havent even figured out who-gets-tied-up-and-blindfolded-when yet) 

wanna have great sex? enter a physical competition with your significant other as your teammate - trust me - just do it - that's my relationship advice for you

an hour or so later, we competed in our 2nd event
we placed 2nd
it would be our best finish all day
strangely, this was the event we talked about expecting just to S-U-C-K at

row + snatch
total team meters rowed added to cumulative max snatch total
i snatched 150
i dropped 135 3 times during warm up
i expected to get 115
that's what i usually get
(i once got 160 in the gym, but that was with robo right in front of me, coaching my form, telling me how to do it, and telling me not to puss out)
i started at 115
in the heat
with people watching
it went up too easy
i started adding on weight
i struggled just a bit with 145, due to timing
i added weight, and got 150
10 seconds to go
i knew i could get 160, or more
fucking knew it
but i also knew i didnt have time

i had rowed first, for 6 minutes, while tiff worked her snatch up to 75# (a huge pr for her)

[i think it's incredibly sexy when a woman, getting ready to lift a heavy ass barbell squats down, grips it, and gets her game face on
i wish i had a pic of her squatting in front of the bar, and focusing before her last lift, but i digress ]

with only 10 seconds left, i stepped over to see how many meters we had
tiff gave one hell of a pull as the last second counted off
we watched 2840 register on the rower's screen
(somehow, we got a row score of 2707, identical to 2 other teams, not sure how that happened:

felt a little guilty - i knew i hadnt left all i had on the field for that event - and i have always been coached to leave everything on the field - i shouldve at least tried to load more on the bar

after the scores for this round were entered, we were still showing in 3rd for the first WOD, and our 2nd place finish here put us in 2nd overall

we were having A FUCK YEAH MOMENT

( all person's more than a mile high must leave the court - that's rule 42)

watched the other competitors do the snatch/row WOD

at lunch time, it was over 100 degrees
i ate a chicken breast, some olives, and a pickle

i drank another glass of NO-eXplode (i had already had one glass)
this stuff tastes the way i imagine a rhino's ball sweat would taste

it was time for WOD 3
a handstand-pushup, atlas stone ladder
the rx was 102lb atlas for men, 72 atlas for women, and handstand pushups
3 handstand pushups + 3 atlas stone shoulders + 6 handstand pushups + 6 atlas stone shoulders + 9 handstand pushups...and on-and-on in increments of 3 until time was called

we were scaled, so we did a 3-second handstand for each rx handstand pushup, and men did a 72# atlas stone, women did a 45# plate

it got tricky
tiff has a mental block when it comes to handstands
she's afraid of falling

we agreed i would do all the handstand holds (i cant do handstand pushups to the proper depth)
and she would do the shouldering of the plate

at 3-2-1-go, i did 3 handstand, each of which were held for 3 seconds, standing all the way up between each
running back to tag tiff in, i couldnt resist trying the men's scaled atlas ball
shouldered it 3 times, pretty easily
went back to the wall - did 6 3-second handstand holds
tagged tiff in
she did 6 ground to shoulder with a 45# plate
went thru this for 9
went thru this for 12
was on 15 when it happened
i got dizzy
i couldnt get both feet on the wall
got no-repped 4 times
was on handstand hold number 13 (of 15) when time was called
was trying HARD not to vomit
i had just done 43 3-second handstand holds
and was too fucking hot
walked outside to puke
or fight it off
didnt puke
but knew i was done
my head was swimming
the light was way too bright

 ( all person's more than a mile high must leave the court - that's rule 42)

i could not get cooled down
i couldnt work the simple math in my head to figure out how to load 225# on the bar for deadlifts in the next event
i sat in the shade, just too hot

as time for our final event approached, i told tiff i wanted to say fuck it
yup, just like that

she wanted to tough it out
i knew i was too hot
but she didnt want to quit
...we didnt quit

at our beginning station, equipment was arranged
2x 65# plates
2x 45# plates
2x 25# plates
a 54# kettlebell and a 35# kettlebell (this shouldve been different)
a 45# bar
2 collars
a 20x24x30 wooden box

at 3-2-1-go , in 109 degree heat, we were to carry all the equipment, as quickly as possible, 15 yds to the second station, and do the following WOD
60 kettlebell swings (men's scaled 35#, women's scaled 25#) each partner does a minimum of 30
50 225# partner deadlifts
40 ground-to-overhead (men's scaled was 45# plate, women's scaled was 25# plate)
30 burpees onto a 65# plate (each partner doing a minimum of 10)
20 alternating 24" box jumps, with each partner unable to complete a rep until the other has completed each rep

i carried both 65# on my first trip - both 45# plates 2nd trip - was walking til i heard eric holler to run - remembered where i was and what i was doing - ran, got the box, came back, started assembling the bar for deads
[correction: my wife (who usually denies reading anything i write) just texted me to say "Just so you know, I carried that damn box in wod 4!!!Lol" - as her memory isn't blurred by heat stroke, i will defer to her]
 - the judge told me there was still equipment at station 1, headed back, looked up, tiff was grabbing the 2x 25# plates

when she got to station 2, she started on kb swings as i assembled the bar - she grabbed the smaller kettlebell
10 swings in, the main judge pointed out she was using the rx weight
he said there had been a 25# kb in our station - there wasnt
she ran to find one
while she did that, i started kb swings
she found a smaller kb somewhere, ran back, did her kb swings

we started in to deadlifts

!!!!!!!!!!! partner deadlifts are one of the stupidest fucking things on the planet
i dont know how high one must be to come up with some dumb shit like that
but i dont think ive ever been that high
deadlifts, done improperly, can hurt you, badly
doing deadlifts fast can result in poor form, which increases the chance of injury
doing them fast, with someone of dissimilar size and strength, and trying to time your lifts together, is a recipe for fucking disaster

on about the 3rd set of 10, i knew it was over, completely for me
i had been no-repped 4 times for not standing all the way up
we stopped, tiff said "c'mon, 5 more"
i said "not yet"
a second passed
she said "let's do this"
i said "not yet"
she said "5 more"
i said "i will tell you when i'm ready, i'm trying to focus on not puking"

a second later "go" i said
we did 5
my sunglasses were falling off
i threw them in the bushes
we did 5 more, i was so pissed, i was so hot, i was so sick
i wanted it to be done
5 more
5 more
5 more
finished deads, wanted to die

at this point, it was like having done some illegal substance which shouldve been fun, but halfway thru the 4-6 hour effect of that substance, everything gets shitty, and you want it to stop, but it wont, and youre in til the end of the whole fucking thing
or, what i imagine something like that would be like ;)

( all person's more than a mile high must leave the court - that's rule 42)

i shouldve ingested those bath-salts from the athlete grab bag and gone fucking serious cannibal-mode and started eating motherfuckers' faces

"no-rep? fuck you! remember when your momma got your nose, bitch?"

ground to overhead, wanting to puke badly, didnt finish stripping the bar
finished ground to oh kneeling on the plate, nauseous, delirious, wanting to puke


let me tell you 
- burpees, 10 at a time, with 5 breaths after each 10, in a 69 degree air conditioned room, still suck 
- also, doing them like that does not prepare you for doing them competitively, in 109 degree heat, after doing 3 other WODs, overheating, burning out, and doing something as fucking full fledged stupid as partner deadlifts in the aforementioned heat
- i didnt learn this until this very moment

we were going to do them like this
tiff: 5
me: 10
tiff: 5
me: 10

we did them like this:
tiff: 5
me: 10
tiff: 5
me: 5
tiff: 5

i had to tag her in to finish

box jumps
did them

i start stripping the bar, tiff starts carrying shit back to station 1
time is called

i walk inside, lay on the floor by the fan
sit up
wish myself dead
see tiff carrying her bag
see her go in the women's room
i want my bag
go to women's room
crack door
yell "hey tiff, i need my keys"
see emily
ask emily to go in the ladies room and ask tiff for my keys
before emily can, tiff steps out, gives me my keys, points to my bag she brought in
it was right in front of me, i hadnt noticed it
i was so hot, and so exhausted, i was about to freak out and panic if i didnt get in the shower

got in there
turned the shower to it's coldest setting
still not cold enough
sweating even harder
get out
dry off
get dressed
hips and calves cramp like motherfuckers while trying to put on shoes
make it outside
pull truck around
load coolers
sit in glorious a/c
text tiff to let her know where i am
tell her i feel like ass
i want to go home
i'm way too hot
havent been this hot since i fell out from heat stroke in brooklyn in the early 90s

 ( all person's more than a mile high must leave the court - that's rule 42)

she tells everyone bye for us
we head southeast

stop at texas roadhouse near our house

ate potato skins, 16oz ribeye, green beans, salad, 3 glasses of water and a beer
none of it tasted right
went home
to bed

sunday morning
ate 6 link sausages and 4 eggs
that tasted better

feeling better now

urine was dark SATURDAY pm

cleared up on sunday
thank goodness
was kinda scared

what did we learn from this?

i learned that, at 42, it's tough to compete
but it's not impossible
i finished
i'm not dead

i learned that i still dont have enough control over my lats to do pullups properly
that's why my biceps are so sore, and i cant straighten my arms

i learned that, even if you can get pissed and yank a 225# barbell up with your biceps, you shouldnt
that's another reason my biceps are so sore

ive been concentrating on total weight

how much i can increase my squat, my deadlift, my shoulder press

i need to take a while and focus on bodyweight endurance
pushups and pullups
and things like double unders and handstand pushups, not just holds

i need to do thousands of these, back to back, alternating, throwing burpees in for good measure

i need to spend more time in the gym doing goat work

daniel said one time "if you train slow, you'll be slow in competition"

i need to speed up during the WODs

my performance goals for the next challenge are going to focus on bodyweight exercises, endurance and getting faster

was back in the gym monday
did 21-15-9 of OHS (95#)/TTB (KTE for me)
did the first 21 OHS unbroken, and fast - broke the 15 into 8 & 7 - did the 9 unbroken - time 6:48

i'm almost 42 - and that's the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything